


Oh, You Again? Give It a Rest, Buddy!

by demi_gray



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Enemies to Friends, Post-Canon, Slice of Life, Sort Of, benry takes up a new job, benry uses they/them, dont worry bubby and coomer will show up. soon. later, enby rights, gordon lives alone and is suffering, implied one-sided benry/gordon, lots of swearing though if you’re here you probbaly don’t need this warning, not ai, third person, tommy's stutter is included
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24217618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demi_gray/pseuds/demi_gray
Summary: Gordon is decomposing at home after the battle with Benry and the horrors of Tommy's birthday party. But of course, this can't be the end, can it?A certain someone decides to come back into Gordon's life, as annoyingly as they can.
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Everyone & Everyone, Gordon Freeman & Benry, Gordon Freeman & Everyone, Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman
Comments: 22
Kudos: 156





	1. Wake the Fuck Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which gordon is in a vegetative state

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this is a classic post-canon "benrey appears" fanfic but yknow what. those are fun shut up and im hoping to make mine recognizable lol. hope you like it :)

It had been exactly one month since Tommy's crazed birthday party, and exactly one month since the full destruction of Black Mesa as a company and facility, and exactly one month after Benry's downfall.

Black Mesa paid surprisingly well, which was why Gordon had chosen to apply in the first place, so for now he was relatively well off in the lull of recovering from such a traumatic event and getting a new job. So he moped on the couch of his model home, reading and rereading books on theoretical physics and crossing out discrepancies related to his actual experiences with whatever Tommy's dad was doing, and in Xen with Benry's godawful excuses.

Perhaps Gordon had been rash, but that fateful morning hadn't been the best for him, being late to work and all, but after that he was readily justified in his frustration. Fly undone? Okay, sure. Plausible, if improbable. But why make such a goddamn big deal about it? Passport excuses?? And the passports themselves being imbued with weird energy?

Right. Gordon couldn't really leave the country or go on a plane or anything now until he could get a new passport, but to be honest, he didn't think he was going to move from his couch at all unless his takeout was there. Even thinking about a passport or other ID made his stomach turn.

The doorbell rang; Gordon groaned and heaved himself to his feet. Had he ordered food today? Probably, but the days were kind of blending together in the fuzzy, traumatized aftermath. He slipped his wallet into his pocket and tramped to the door. He hadn't changed his clothes or washed up except to shove his face in the sink, and the bags under his eyes made him look too much like Tommy's dad. The previous delivery persons hadn't commented, and Gordon figured they had all seen people looking as bad as he felt. At least he was wearing pants and a shirt.

The doorbell rang again, and Gordon grumbled. "Coming, coming," he called halfheartedly. "Just a minute." He opened the door sluggishly. Outside was a person whose face was rather obscured by a large stack of pizzas. "Ah," said Gordon. He didn't remember ordering so many pies, but at this point he wasn't going to question it; he was so worn out he felt like he had a hangover.

"damn, you look like shit," said the deliveryperson.

"I know," Gordon muttered, fingering through the dollar bills in his wallet. "How much do I owe?"

"already paid for, actually," the deliveryperson told him. "someone named 'coolatta' paid over the phone and he told me to deliver these here."

Gordon blinked. "Oh," he sighed. Was this Tommy's doing, or his father's? "Well, let me at least tip you."

"whatever you say, bud," was the reply. "take these pizzas before i fall over."

"Okay, okay," Gordon huffed. He awkwardly slipped five dollars into the deliveryperson’s hand as they exchanged the pizzas; the hand was very cold and a little clammy, which was strange as it was nearly summer in New Mexico. "Thanks."

"just my job, man," said the deliveryperson. "go, like, take a fuckin' nap or something, dude."

"No promises," Gordon huffed, turning to close the door with a foot. The deliveryperson moved to close it themself, and Gordon finally got a good look at their face. The eyes were less sunken than he remembered, same with the tanner skin and much more normal-sounding voice, but it was unmistakable: Benry.

Gordon stared, dumbfounded, but before any anger could even well up in his chest Benry winked at him and closed the door, leaving Gordon holding a giant stack of pizzas and the weight of a thousand questions.

—

Gordon Freeman must have stress-ate about two and a half of the pizzas (they were all pepperoni, all of them) before he finally noticed what he'd done and stopped before he started to feel even more sick. Benry, alive?? And delivering pizzas?!

Well, the fact Benry was still kicking it was less surprising than the latter, but it still grated Gordon like he was grating his teeth from a clenched jaw. Only a month of relative solace from Benry’s annoying quipping, and yet now it felt like nothing if a few hours. Would the ex(?)-security guard(?) come back to torment him again? Would he have to do this all over again??

Gordon held his head in his hands, gagging from the memory of blood on his hands and from the pizza he'd just eaten too fast. God, what the hell was he supposed to do? What had he done to deserve this?

For once he was glad that his son was living with his aunt a few states over. Gordon hadn't been capable then, and as an anxious single parent he didn't trust daycares or babysitters. So, when he moved to NM to work at Black Mesa and pay off his college debt, Joshua had been sent away to live with his aunt. Joshua wasn't there to see his father so broken up like this. He also wasn't here to hear Benry swearing their ass off. Benry would probably do that in front of a kid. They had in front of Tommy, even if Tommy was apparently in his 30s.

God damnit.

What freaks of nature had Gordon released into the world? Bubby was probably floundering, seeing as he had apparently never seen the outside world. Coomer was probably fucking shit up. Although Gordon did not trust Tommy's father, he seemed a capable parent and at least sane, so...wow, Gordon was overthinking this. Was he? He needed to stop feeling sorry for people who had tried to kill or at least trick him (except Tommy, Tommy was cool). Maybe they had made up, but now outside of Black Mesa's life-or-death premises it didn't mean much to Gordon anymore. They had worked together in the end to get out alive, and for not much else.

Gordon figured he could use a hug from Sunkist right now, or something. He was a little lonely since he hadn't been into work, and even now not running around with the scientists felt off. He just wanted someone other than himself to talk to.

Not Benry, though. Just to be clear. Never that guy.

Gordon sighed, shaking his head and pressing his forehead against the table.

The weeks were only going to get longer.


	2. Tommy has Joined the Party!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Tommy arrives and has a serious talk with Gordon. Oh, and Benry's there too i guess.

It seemed that Gordon had fallen asleep at the table, because he was very rudely awakened by a gigantic golden retriever bowling him over and out of his chair. He yelped as he hit the ground, putting his hands up in front of his face to deter the slobbering tongue of the visitor.

“Sun–sunkist, no!” he heard through the fur in his face. “Be nice!! No–no knocking Mr. Freeman over!”

The dog immediately sat back, panting. Gordon spit blond hair out of his mouth and looked up into the face of Sunkist the Perfect Dog. Tommy stood behind the dog, not much taller than his pet. “Are you o-okay, Mr. Freeman?” he asked pensively, wringing his hands.

“Can you ring the doorbell next time??” Gordon asked, getting to his feet with some difficulty. “Jeez...how the hell did you even get in?”

“We _did_ ring the doorbell, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy explained. “There was–there was no answer, but Sunkist smelled you in-inside the house so I had him open the door so w-we could see if you were okay...um, n- _no one_ sleeps that deeply at 4pm, Mr. Freeman! And you–you weren’t even in bed!”

“Yeah, yeah, you don’t gotta lecture me,” Gordon grumbled, patting Sunkist on the head. “Good doggy. Uh, thanks for checking in on me, I guess, but–” He was interrupted by Sunkist opening a pizza box and downing the pizza whole.

“Sunkist!” Tommy exclaimed. “We got those–we got those pizzas for Mr. _Freeman_! D-Don’t eat it!”

Sunkist made a few gagging sounds, and Gordon hurriedly clamped the dog’s mouth shut. “ _Please_ do not fucking throw up the pizza you just ate onto the kitchen floor,” he gasped, and Sunkist swallowed.

“He’s so...so _naughty_ today, I don’t know what’s gotten into him,” Tommy apologized sorrowfully, shifting on his feet. “Maybe he’s just, um, excited to see you.”

“So it _was_ you who ordered the pizzas,” Gordon said. “You don’t need to do that, you know,” he added, half because of embarrassment and half because the person bringing the food to his house was Benry. “I’ve got plenty of money on my own.”

“I know, Mr. Freeman,” the other man replied, but was frowning. “Are you normally this, um, reclusive? I was worried about you. You haven’t called any, um, any of us…” Tommy looked Gordon straight on with large, puppy-dog eyes. “M-Mr. Freeman, are you okay?”

Gordon was hit with a pang of guilt in the chest and he blinked a few times. “Uh,” he said. “I really don’t want to worry you…”

“Mr. Freeman, I’m very, um, _capable_ ,” Tommy told him. “I’m older than you are, right? You t-trust me, right?” He pulled out even sappier sad-eyes.

Gordon put his head in his hands and groaned. It was true–Tommy was the only one out of the scientists Gordon actually trusted. The others were either fully unhinged or just vaguely evil. “Tommy, I really don’t want to burden you with a bunch of fucked-up shit.”

“We’re a- _all_ fucked up, Mr. Freeman.”

Great. The kid was making sense. Often Tommy could be nonsensical due to his childish nature, or perhaps just silly, but he had never been malicious or directly unhelpful. In fact, he’d always _wanted_ to help, and when he had, he’d succeeded. Maybe Gordon could take the chance?

“Ugh, fine,” Gordon sighed. “Um. Do you want to sit on the couch for this?”

Tommy beamed. “Of–of course, Mr. Freeman! Sunkist, d-do _not_ shed,” he ordered his pet, and Sunkist panted happily. Gordon wasn’t quite sure how a dog could just turn off its shedding, but this _was_ Sunkist after all, so he didn’t question it.

Sunkist proceeded to lie all over Gordon’s lap the instant he’d sat down on the couch, draping himself languidly over Gordon and the rest of the couch. Tommy decided to just sit on the arm of the couch and appeared to be rather content perching there.

“I saw Benry today,” Gordon began.

“Ben...Benry??” Tommy questioned.

Gordon nodded, stroking Sunkist’s fur. “I’m sure it was them. They were, uh, alive and well, if you can call them that.”

“Well, I...I can’t say I’m, um, surprised that Benry is alive, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy admitted. “But they don’t have pass–passports anymore, right? So they shouldn’t be dangerous, right?”

“I don’t trust it,” Gordon said. “You know when I saw them? They literally fucking delivered the pizzas you got me. I tipped them _five bucks_ , Tommy.”

“Benry is a…” He struggled for the right word for a moment. “...delivery-person now?” Tommy said. “I think th-that’s good for them!” he continued cheerily. “Delivering things is much less dangerous or, um, aggravating than working at Black Mesa, right Mr. Freeman? Maybe they’ll calm down!”

“If only the world were perfect…” Gordon mumbled. “We can hope.”

“Think p- _positively_ , Mr. Freeman.”

“Do you even realize how difficult that is? For me?”

“It hasn’t been eas...easy for me either, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy told the other. “I, um, might make this _look_ easy, but it isn’t.”

“Really,” said Gordon, unconvinced.

Tommy shook his head. “I’m what you call a, um, ‘gifted child’, Mr. Freeman. I have ex-expectations set for me. It’s hard for me to keep–to keep up, you see?” He sighed. “My dad has been v-very good about it. He does his best to let me work at my own...my own pace, but that’s not always easy in-in the workplace. Do you understand, Mr. Freeman?”

Gordon gazed at Tommy for a moment, then looked away, a little embarrassed that he’d been staring. “I think so,” he muttered. “When I was six I made a tennis-ball cannon. It used fuel and everything. And now I use my degree for nothing, eh? Pushing crystals into a laser. Pressing buttons. Who fuckin’ cares anymore.”

Tommy nodded solemnly. “Sometimes I miss being a...a kid without um. Stuff I have to do. Responsibilities.” He reached up and spun the propeller on his hat. “It’s m-more fun this way! Don’t you agree, Mr. Freeman?”

Gordon sighed. “I don’t know if I _should_.”

“That’s all right, Mr. Freeman.” Sunkist wagged his tail, the end of it whapping Tommy on the leg. “Aw, Sunkist! You’re right, s-sweetie. Sunkist says we should go and do, um, something!!”

“The dog speaks?”

“N-no, Mr. Freeman. But I can und–understand him! He thinks you’ve been sitting around in the–the–the _house_ for too long.”

“Wow, I really didn’t notice,” Gordon muttered sarcastically.

“Uh-huh. How about we, um, how about we go to the mall, Mr. Freeman!! A shopping trip with friends!”

“You like _shopping?_ ” Gordon asked.

“Why...why wouldn’t I?” Tommy countered, clearly confused. “It can be fun!!”

“I always feel bad about spending money, I guess.”

“Oh, no, no Mr. Freeman! Th-this–this will be my– _my_ treat!!” Sunkist looked up at the word _treat_. “You n-need to get the...out–outside!!”

Gordon rubbed his temples. “God, fuck. Okay,” he caved, muttering. “Let me just, like, get a change of clothes??”

Tommy nodded. “Of course, Mr. Freeman! Sunkist, g-get off of him.” Sunkist dutifully rolled off of the couch and Gordon rose with a groan. “W-we’ll wait for you out...outside, Mr. Freeman!!” Tommy promised, turning and guiding Sunkist toward the front door.

As Gordon was getting his shoes on, he heard from outside “Benry! What are...what are you doing in–in Mr. Freeman’s shrubbery!” and a bark from Sunkist.

Fuck.

Gordon scrambled to the door with one shoe half-on. Sure enough, in the decorative bushes out front, Benry was half-hidden. They were trying to push Sunkist away. “can’t a. can’t a guy have some privacy??”

“What the actual hell are you doing in my front yard, asshole?” Gordon demanded breathlessly.

Benry paused, glancing at Tommy and then back to Gordon. “i’unno,” they shrugged finally. “it's comfy in here.”

“Jesus fucking christ,” Gordon breathed, head in his hands again. “Why can’t you stay dead??”

“c’mon man,” Benry whined. “i can’t help it! i was born this way!”

“Oh, oh wow, you were _born?_ ” Tommy gasped.

Gordon turned to Tommy with utter confusion plain on his face. “Why would you ask them that??”

“Not everyone is–is _born_ , Mr. Freeman,” Tommy informed. “Bubby was–was grown. Sunkist was en-engineered. Don’t be so close-minded!”

“yea, you gatekeeping bro?” Benry mocked.

“Aarrgh,” said Gordon. “Why do I even try?”

“‘cause you like us, prolly,” Benry grinned. “is widdle gordon finawwy making fwends?”

“Can it, canhead,” Gordon snapped.

“N-now, let’s be–let’s be civil,” Tommy scolded. “Why don’t we have Benry come w-with us to the mall? Maybe you could...could um, reconnect! Patch up!”

“Hell no!”

“oh hell yeah,” Benry said at the same time. They jumped out of the shrub like they were vaulting over a concrete wall. “those claw machines got that good shit.” They paused to rub Sunkist’s face and make baby-talk at the dog.

“Why the fuck would you even suggest this??” Gordon pleaded with Tommy. “They literally tried to kill you…”

“But Mr. Freeman, look–look how they’ve changed!” Tommy reasoned, gesturing as Benry was nearly bowled over by Sunkist. “Look! Th-they’re playing with Sunkist. Would–would they have done that before?”

Gordon stared at Benry. Yes, they were playing with the giant golden retriever, and smiling, but Tommy may be on to something. This smile wasn’t the cynical one made back in Black Mesa, or the faux grins shot in Gordon’s direction. Benry was giggling... _genuinely_ . It was honestly _more_ unnerving. “I dunno, maybe??” Gordon cried, running a hand through his hair. “I mean, I don’t think anyone but Forzen would actually want to kill a dog though.”

“This m-mall trip is _my_ treat,” Tommy told him. “I want–I wanna make you feel better, Mr. Freeman, b-but it’s also by my– _my_ rules, since I’m pay–um, paying. Benry comes with us.”

“God,” Gordon groaned. “God, fuck, okay. Fine. Fuck.” He glared at Tommy, but his anger didn’t last long because Tommy was pulling the puppy-dog eyes again. “Okay. Fine, but don’t expect me to get along with this asshole,” he sighed, jabbing a thumb at Benry.

“hell yeah!!” Benry laughed, getting to their feet. “three musketeers, baby!” They slapped Gordon on the back a little too forcefully. “what are you drivin’, tommy?”

Tommy smiled and said, as if it was a very normal thing, “Oh, we’ll be riding Sunkist!”

Aw, shit.


	3. Get on, Loser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the shopping trip ensues

Gordon practically fell off of Sunkist when Tommy stopped the dog outside of the local mall, his legs wobbling. Benry had been whooping and hollering the whole way, which was even worse for Gordon, as Benry was sitting right behind him. Sunkist had somehow, even though he didn’t seem big enough despite his size, fit all three people on his back. Tommy had explained it as some sort of “minor dimensional bending,” which, while theoretically possible, Gordon hadn’t thought to already be achieved.

“li’l bitch boy scared? are you too weak?” Benry teased Gordon as he regained his footing.

“Shut up,” Gordon huffed. Sunkist was like an even bumpier horse, which wasn’t pleasant on the buttocks. “Please, for once in your life?”

Tommy dismounted from Sunkist and procured a biscuit from his jeans pocket, feeding it to his dog and praising him. “Now, you’ll–you’ll be a good doggy and wait f-for us here, right?” he crooned. “I’m s-sorry that no dogs can g-go in the–the mall.” Sunkist barked and licked Tommy’s face.

“you done parking the dog yet?” Benry asked impatiently, scuffing a foot restlessly on the concrete. “some of us want to go to the arcade.”

Tommy tut-tutted. “Shh,” he said, and Benry sighed, rolling their eyes and muttering something under their breath.

“Why do you listen to him and not me?” Gordon asked them in annoyance.

“tommy and i are friends,” Benry shrugged. “you?  _ used _ to be my friend. best friend.”

“Still don’t know what you’re talking about with that,” Gordon muttered. “I guess Tommy  _ does _ like mean people, huh?”

“ohhhh, i’m so offendeeeeed,” Benry gasped dramatically, feigning a fainting stance. “omg…i’m such a meanie oohhhh i’m so insulteeeed…you break my heart, bro…”

“Oh my god. You’re literally the worst, what the fuck.”

“oohhhhhhh, this is it man, you’ve killed meeeee…”

“Thought I already did that?”

“yea sure but this time it’s for real. i’m dying mr. freeman…”

“Sure.” Gordon ran his fingers through his hair again and took a few deep breaths. Tommy had finished fawning over Sunkist and the dog sauntered off, seemingly unnoticed by the crowds of “normal” people visiting the mall. Gordon did not question this, and he didn’t want to draw attention anyway.

“Okay!” Tommy said cheerfully, clapping his hands. “I’m gonna—gonna give b-both of you guys–you some cash, and th-then we can-can-can meet back here in, um, two hours?”

“i don’t need the money,” Benry said.

“You gonna steal stuff?” Gordon asked Benry suspiciously.

“what? no!” Benry exclaimed. “you’re the one who does that, right?”

“Please, it’s my t-treat,” Tommy insisted, hands on his hips. “It’s f-free money!”

“fine,” Benry muttered, clearly disappointed.

The two had already left for their favorite stores before Gordon could even count the many dollar bills in his hands. He did this now.

600 dollars in 20’s.

...the hell? Why was Tommy rich? How could he burn this much cash so frugally? Was it his interdimensional father? Black Mesa might pay well, but…

Huh.

Benry might have been a stroke of bad luck, but a free 600 bucks was a free 600 bucks.

Might as well enjoy it. As long as he avoided the arcade, that is…

—

Of course, the mall wasn’t the height of luxury or expensiveness anyway, but Gordon did enjoy himself. Despite the amount of money he had he still tried to spend intelligently, in the penny-pinching way his parents had taught him to do. Force of habit, and probably for the better anyway.

He mostly bought food, which probably wasn’t the healthiest thing, but Gordon decided that he deserved it after the Black Mesa Bullshit. Some new comfort clothing also made its way into his bags. Maybe Tommy was right–shopping could be fun.

The next time Gordon saw Benry, they were walking down the center of the tile floor between shops, sipping what looked to be a boba (later confirmed when Gordon got closer).

They had bought and changed clothes since the Sunkist Ride, although they still hadn’t removed their helmet. They had on an atrociously bright pink tye-dye print pantsuit, and an equally horribly green polo on underneath that. They were wearing sandals.

By unfortunate circumstance they spotted Gordon and smiled almost pleasantly, making their way through the crowd and waving. “yo feetman!”

“Please don’t call me that,” Gordon told them.

“yea, yea, whatevs” Benry shrugged, rooting around in the Sears bag on their arm for a moment. They pulled out their cash from Tommy (it was now rather crumpled) and offered it to Gordon. “here, want my 600? i don’t need it.”

“What happened to taking Tommy’s ‘treat?’ And if you haven’t used any of  _ that _ ,” Gordon pointed to the bills in Benry’s hand, “then how’d you buy your new outfit?”

Benry proceeded to spit out several golden-colored Sweet Voice™ balls into Gordon’s face. “as tommy would put it, ‘when they’re the color of honey, they’re worth a lot of money,’” they said. “i don’t like coins or credit cards. i always lose ‘em.”

Gordon brushed the Voice™ spots away from his face with a hand. “Really. Don’t these things fade?”

“depends on the kind.”

“Wow! That literally explains next to nothing! Thanks!”

“oh, any time.” Benry shoved the money inot Gordon’s hands. “go and like, buy some basic bitch black coffee or some shit, eh?” They grinned at him and walked away without another word.

“Fuckin’  _ enigma _ ,” Gordon muttered, placing the money in a separate place from his own. It didn’t feel right to use it for some reason...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> benry doesnt understand human fashion
> 
> tommy can just. get cash whenever because his dad is gman. it’s one of those perks :}


	4. This isn't an AirBNB, dude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which benry is annoying to gordon again and gordon goes home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chap has a lot more headcanon material in it? mostly for benry but yknow. it could still feasibly fit within hlvrai canon. still tried to keep the interactions accurate tho <3 hope yall like it!

Tommy was sitting outside of the mall on a bench, rubbing Sunkist’s ears, when Gordon found him. Benry still hadn’t arrived. “Oh, Mr. Freeman!” Tommy greeted cheerily.

“Howdy, Tommy.” Gordon sat down on the bench beside Tommy. “How was your shopping?”

“Oh, it was sup–super cool!!!” Tommy smiled. “Oh!” he reached into one of the several plastic bags at his side and offered a small object to Gordon. “Here, I got this f-for you!” he told him.

Gordon took it. It was a small smiling cartoon cat. When he squeezed it, it compacted in on itself and then slowly took on its original shape again. “Thanks,” he said. “Joshua will like this.”

“N-no, no, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said hurriedly. “This is for  _ you.  _ Um, it’s like a stress ball–stress relief thing. Since, um, y-you know…” He faltered a little, rubbing the back of his neck. “I-I just figured that you–you might need something like th-this.”

“Oh,” Gordon murmured. He squeezed the cat again and watched it reform. “Thank you, Tommy.”

Tommy nodded, smiling again. “O-of course, Mr. Freeman!”

“‘sup, assholes,” said Benry, walking up. They were still wearing the ridiculous outfit from before. “i got clothes. what’d you get, tommy?”

Tommy sat up taller, grinning. “A lotta stuff!” he exclaimed, beginning to go through and show off all the little items he had purchased. There were at least 5 fidget-spinners, all different colors, a pack of slap bracelets, and quite a few little “mystery” figures he’d gotten. There were also about seven different pairs of equally bright and gaudy socks as well as some miscellaneous jewelry for some reason.

“impressive collection, bud,” Benry complimented. “what’d you get, feetman? a chicken hat?”

“You wish,” Gordon snorted. “I mostly got food, if it’s really that important to you.”

“not the materialistic type? a surprise from mister gordon.”

“Oh, st-stop teasing him, Benry,” Tommy scolded. “Wasn’t this f-f-fun? And–and we got Mr. Freeman out of–um, out of his house!!”

“sure.”

“Thank you,” said Gordon, ignoring Benry. “We should, uh, spend more time together. And maybe invite the old men to come along.”

Tommy nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, y-yes!” He pat Sunkist’s side with his hands in a rhythm excitedly. “The more–the more the merrier!!” The dog barked in agreement. Benry made no comment, but shuffled their feet a little.

“Um, cool.” Gordon scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “That sounds like a plan. I guess.”

“bbbbbrrr hurr i don't know word,” Benry muttered. “bbbbbbbbbb.  🙊. ” 

“How the fuck are you saying that with your mouth?” Gordon asked exasperatedly.

“ 🙊 ?” Tommy repeated. “N-no speaking monkey?”

“I  _ know  _ that’s what it is, Tommy, but how the hell do you. How do you  _ speak  _ that??”

“😔,” said Benry. “he doesn’t know how. shame. i’m so 😒😒, dude.”

Gordon clutched his forehead with a hand. “Fucking hell. Fine, I’m not even gonna try to ask. Once again you literally  _ remove  _ my curiosity.” He huffed. “And now I’m done with today. Great.”

“S-sorry, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy apologized.

“It’s not you, you don’t have to say sorry,” Gordon assured him.

“yea, apparently i’m always the problem,” Benry said. “i try to be nice and joke around but nooooo.”

“Please don’t relapse,” Gordon begged. “I can’t handle another Benry boss battle.”

“haha. i can’t promise that, feetman,” Benry shrugged. “maybe if you could, like, shut up for once?”

“Neither–neither of you are helping,” Tommy said. “L-l-look, you made Sunkist s-sad!!” He hugged Sunkist’s neck. The dog looked exceptionally somber.

“dude, i think we need marriage counseling,” Benry told Gordon. “we keep arguing all the time.”

“We are not fucking married,” Gordon tried. “God damnit. Can we just fucking go home now?”

–

“I hope–I hope next time is b-better!” Tommy said as he bid Gordon farewell. “Fix you–your, um, sleep sched-dule, Mr. Freeman!”

“I’ll, uh, try,” Gordon said tentatively, and Tommy smiled before Sunkist turned and ran off down the road.

“you’re letting him act like he’s your dad, bro,” said Benry, standing annoyingly in the driveway.

“Fuck, man,” Gordon muttered, turning and unlocking his door, doing his best to ignore Benry but that was kind of hard when they followed him into the house. “Don’t you have your own house?” he asked, getting more irritated by the second.

“i said i had a  _ home _ ,” Benry clarified. They proceeded to somehow reach across the room, open Gordon’s fridge, and grab a soda can, all while standing at the front door. They opened the can.

“What, so you live in a cardboard box in the woods?” Gordon guessed, watching Benry with some intrigue.

Benry shook their head. “no, dumbass.” They crushed the now-empty can against their helmet. “it’s a little more complicated than that.”

“Then enlighten me,” Gordon said. “If you’re even capable of that. I kind of want to know why the hell you’re here if not to drive me insane.”

“cynical as always,” Benry huffed. “my home moves. i go where i like and stay where i like. usually where my friends are.”

“So..you freeload.”

“tch. humans,” Benry sighed, taking a bite out of the crushed aluminum in their hand. “all about things that stay in one place.” They swallowed. “it’s like your plate tectonics are sleeping on the fuckin’ job.”

“That implicates  _ so _ many fucking things, man,” Gordon said with frustration. “I still don’t get it.”

“jeez, bro,” Benry said defensively. “i thought you were smart. fine, to the point since the toddler man’s got no patience. where i come from, we don’t have houses. nothing stays in one place like it does here.”

“Uh, okay. I guess that makes sense.” Gordon scratched his beard. So Benry was...an alien?

“doubt it. so, we just live what we’re at. what’s that dumb baby human saying…’home is where the heart is?’ yeah, i think that’s the closest thing.”

“ _ This _ is where your heart is?” Gordon gestured around his mediocre house. “Is this another flirting attempt? I figured you didn’t have a heart.”

Benry scoffed, turning away. “uh-huh, suuuuure. whatever. look, i happen to  _ know _ you, so i came here.”

“Fine choice out of several people who actually like you.” Gordon sighed. “Jesus. I thought it was all over.”

“think again, bitch boy,” Benry grinned, baring their teeth.

“Okay, fine. I know I can’t fucking get out of this, so if you’re gonna be hanging around here you better bet your ass there’ll be rules,” Gordon snapped, pointing an accusatory finger at Benry.

“oh no, rules,” they said, deadpan.

“Rule one: don’t fucking break shit,” Gordon began. “Rule two: ask if you’re gonna use something. I don’t trust you.”

“i know  _ that  _ part.”

“Rule three!” Gordon went on. “If I find you anywhere near my room I will  _ personally  _ fucking slaughter you. Are we clear?”

“yeah, sure, whatever,” Benry replied, shrugging and finishing off their soda can. “i’m not a kid, i get it.”

“You didn’t even listen did you,” Gordon groaned, slouching in defeat.”

“no, no, i did,” Benry assured him. “basically i can’t make your life worse than it already is, right?”

“Good e-fucking-nough,” Gordon grimaced. “If you sleep do it on the couch.”

“onwy if you tuck me in and teww me a bedtwime stowy,” Benry whined, batting their eyelashes.

“I have  _ The Little Engine that Could.  _ You can read it to yourself. I need a fucking nap,” Gordon muttered, turning to go to his room.

“thought lazy boy slept all day?”

“Just being in your presence is draining, Benry.”

“ah, then the experiment is working,” Benry chuckled, rubbing their palms together.

“I don’t have the mental capacity to figure out whether you’re serious or not right now. If you don’t mind, I’m going to try and fix my sleep schedule.”

“and i guess i’ll try not to burn the house down for you.”

“Oh, very reassuring,” Gordon snorted. “Good  _ night _ .”

Benry shrugged, shuffling off to go probably scratch up the furniture like a cat, but Gordon didn’t much care right now. It had been a long day for both good and bad reasons.

Maybe tomorrow would be better, but one can only hope.


	5. Our Get-Along T-Shirt!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which an agreement is come to.

When Gordon woke up, it was a healthy 9am.

When Gordon got to the kitchen-living room area, he found that Benry had been playing a healthy amount of video games.

“yo, your flatscreen tv sucks bro,” Benry called, not looking away from their game.

“What did I tell you about touching my shit??” Gordon groaned, walking over. Benry had a playstation Gordon had never seen before hooked up to the television and was playing what appeared to be Little Big Planet.

“i haven’t touched any of  _ your _ stuff,” Benry countered. “this is  _ my _ ps3. fuck off dude.”

Gordon grumbled. “Ugh. I guess.”

Benry was wearing headphones over their helmet, and they lowered them around their neck. “so, like, what’s for breakfast? baby oatmeal?”

“Leftover pizza.”

“cold? i like your style,” Benry grinned. They put their headphones back on and resumed the game.

“Did you just pause a multiplayer game?” Gordon asked suspiciously.

“maybe. maybe not. dunno for sure.”

“Bullshit,” Gordon huffed. “I’m gonna go microwave some pizza out of spite.”

“is that really how you want to live, man? doing things spitefully instead of genuinely?” Benry had glanced up, their eyes a piercing blue.

“Damn, are you actually trying to be real for once?” Gordon gasped. “I should give you an award or something.”

“i don’t need an award, i already have every Minecraft™ Achievement™.”

Gordon nearly laughed at that, suppressing a snort as he pulled open the fridge. “Almost impressive.”

“c’mon, man, are you downplaying my accomplishments? i did it all in survival. i even have all the new nether achievos.”

“They’re still updating the game?” Gordon asked incredulously through a mouthful of pizza. “I thought that shit was old news.”

“bruh,” Benry said. “you’re a fake gamer, dude. i bet you haven’t even touched a mario game. ever played  _ pong _ , bro? huh?” Benry turned to stick out their tongue at Gordon.

“I literally had an NES when I was kid.”

“old news.”

“Ah,” Gordon murmured. “Using my own words against me. Clever…”

“i want you to know that that was the cringiest thing i’ve ever heard anyone say.”

Gordon walked over and tossed a slice of pizza onto Benry’s hands, causing them to fumble. “shit!” they exclaimed. “damn, you made me die, asshole!”

“Oops,” Gordon said innocently. “Fucked up?”

“asshole,” Benry repeated, picking up the pizza from their lap and tearing the end off with sharp teeth. “haven’t’cha enacted enough revenge?”

“Probably not.”

“then me either.”

They went on bickering like this quite contentedly until Benry managed to lose their winning streak again and tossed the controller dejectedly into the floor. The PS3 turned off on its own, somehow. “phooey,” said Benry. “you’ve ruined my happy times.”

“I have?” Gordon asked, looking a little too pleased. He was sitting on the couch, directly on the opposite side from Benry and trying to be as far away as possible while remaining comfy. “Shame.”

“not very _poggers_ of you, feetman.”

“Whoa, you been  _ streaming _ , dude?”

“no, my commentary is shit. and i don’t do well with crowds. um, audiences.”

“That’s a pretty human thing for you to have going on,” Gordon pointed out thoughtfully.

Benry gave Gordon that steely blue gaze again. “just ‘cause i’m not human doesn’t mean i don’t have the. uh,  _ humanity _ .”

Gordon shuddered, looking away. Benry’s ‘serious face’ made his head swim. “Uh, okay, okay,” he muttered. “Shit, man. I thought you said you weren’t good with words.”

“ _ commentary _ ,” Benry corrected. “fuck, dude, were you even listening?”

“You are  _ really _ pulling the Uno reverse card bull on me today, aren’t you?” Gordon observed grimly.

“Ha _ ha _ , that was a gamer moment” Benry boasted. “You just got epic pwned.”

“What are you even  _ saying _ ?”

“what did i tell ya. fake gamer,” Benry scoffed. “doesn’t--doesn’t even know what pwn means.”

Gordon sighed. “You know, Tommy was right,” he said after a moment, fiddling with his hands. “We keep arguing.”

“like i said, we need marriage counseling,” Benry insisted.

Gordon snorted, smiling this time and lightly cuffing Benry on the shoulder. “Fuck off wiith that, dude,” he grinned. “I’m just saying we should make an effort to at least get along.”

“we used to be great friends,” Benry reminisced. “i miss that.”

“I still don’t know why you think that, but sure, buddy.” Gordon nodded.

“well then, try a little harder,” Benry stated bluntly. “then maybe you’ll, uh. open up your galaxy brain.”

Gordon opened his mouth, then closed it, reworking his response. “...maybe,” he said, “I haven’t been listening very well.”

“maybe.” 

“And since I can’t get rid of you, I should at least tolerate you.”

“i’ve been  _ trying  _ to tell you cool lore about me but you don’t wanna hear it.”

“You  _ gotta  _ understand why I’m not fond of you,” Gordon said. “But, we’ve both fucked up. So, uh, as much as it pains me to say this,” he went on, “Um, I-I’m sorry.”

Benry stared for a tense moment before nodding approvingly. “thanks,” they said. “i’ll, uh, be more sorry about trying to kill you once you  _ prove  _ you’re sorry.”

“Y’know what? That’s fair enough.” Gordon extended a hand. “Shake on it, then?”

Benry looked at Gordon’s hand. It was the new, repaired one GMan had given, as Gordon had explained at the party (and to Benry later on, although Gordon suspected they’d already known). It was a metal prosthetic, which Gordon hadn’t noticed at first due to the HEV suit, but worked and felt like a normal hand, maybe even better than his other one.

“nah, i’m not gonna touch your cringe sweaty palm,” Benry decided, shrugging and turning away.

“This--this is my fake hand, it doesn’t even...fine, okay. Verbal agreements are good enough for me,” Gordon sighed. “Then it’s settled.”

“cool.” Benry gave Gordon a meaningful look...or, at least, an attempt at one. Gordon doubted they had ever made any expression like that. “you better start listening to me now, huh? turn off the noise-cancelling eardrums?”

“I know, I know…”

“...You still can’t touch shit, by the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> benry can legally only be serious 5 times a year and they just wasted two


End file.
